Road Trip Rules

This weekend will be my inaugural trip to Baltimore to see the Red Sox and Orioles at Camden Yards. I will be traveling with five other friends. Through a combination of social paranoia, general disgust with other people, and a sense of boredom in the days leading up to our trip, we have been sending out rules for the trip via the ancient method of communication known as text messaging. Here is a (large) sample of what one can not do during the forty-eight hours we spend in Maryland: No talking about how nice Camden Yards is... No toilet paper... No iPods or reading on the plane... No cheering for the Red Sox... No Sweet Caroline... No friendly conversations with strangers... No talking with people from Boston/Red Sox fans... No talking about "kids I know from Southie or Dorchester"... No tucked in shirts... No Gatorade, bottled water, or Advil... No wake up calls... No telling the truth to people we don't know... No sideways hats... No jello shots... No taking pictures... No combs or hairgel... No buying merchandise from bars... No saying "excuse me" to anyone... No fights... No washing of hands after using the bathroom... No visors... No clothing that would announce we are from Boston or like the Red Sox... No gum or breath mints... No starting conversations with the phrase "my buddy"... No showers longer than two minutes... No ecstasy or coke... No talk about the Bruins... No hanging out with acquaintances we run into unless four of the other five members of the group vote in favor... No suitcases, plastic bags only...