The Antichrist And Other Thoughts

It is official. Roger Clemens is Satan's love child with Marge Schott. Clemens announced that he will return to the Yankees this summer at the Yankee-Mariner game this afternoon. Bill Simmons was right all along. Everyone who told me that Clemens was a dick knew what they spoke of. Instead of staying retired, returning to the hometown Astros or coming back to Boston where he started his career, Clemens will be making reservations in Hell as they fit his fat ass for pinstripes. I grew up with Clemens as my baseball hero. His 1996 defection to Toronto and subsequent move to the Yankees in 1999 inspired me to hate him but by the end of 2003, with his career ending, I began to make peace. When he "came back" each of the last three years with the Astros I wasn't too upset, he was pitching at home with his family close by. And during the time from 2004-2006, there were always rumors that he might return to Boston. Of course, there was talk of a return to the Yankees as well but I didn't think that would happen. But now it has. And I hate Clemens again -- this time for good. I'm not worried about him going to New York. As great as Clemens was, he's 44 and will be returning to the American League and the AL East -- not the Triple-A NL Central. He will be hit and hit hard. The Yanks still don't have the pitching that the Red Sox do. Now that I think of it, Clemens' return to the Bronx may be a good thing. This should wake up the anger that drove me -- and thousands of other Sox fans -- to hate the Yankees. 2004 is over and done with. Roger is our enemy again. Everything seems right. I can't wait until he comes back to Boston with his lover Andy Pettitte on his arm and with Jeter and Torre kissing his fat ass. I will cheer for him to fail harder than I ever did when he broke my heart the first time. The Yankees next visit Fenway on June 1-3 but he won't be ready that early. The Sox also visit the Bronx a few times this summer, before Clemens will be in Boston. I can't wait for September 14, 15 and 16... Rich Hill is still cruising for the Cubs. After beating Washington yesterday -- and recording his first career RBI on a bases loaded walk -- Rich is 4-1 with a 1.72 ERA... This is why I love being a fan -- I will forever hate Roger Clemens now but I am making room for Randy Moss in my heart... The Red Sox are 19-10 (about to be 20-10 if they hold on in Minnesota) and they haven't even hit yet. Big Papi is ripping it up (.304/8/25) and Mike Lowell is swinging the bat great too (.302/4/21) and Kevin Youkilis has been steady (.276) but the rest of the regular lineup has not been on fire. When Manny Ramirez, Julio Lugo, J.D. Drew and the rest get going, Clemens will wish he stayed in Houston...